Intoxicated Journalist Writes Article

This Saturday at approximately 12:30 AM, junior Neil Houser sat down at his computer to write for the newspaper, simply because he had nothing better to do.  A “theme” or “subject”t was not considered for the article until he got to the second d line, at which point he made clear his lack of direction.  Desperate and easily inspired, Neil decided to let the article write itself and cover what it deemed nedessary.

While taking another long swig from his 8th perfectly-chilled Yuengling, the author realized he had started a second paragraph.  In retrospect, beginning a second paragraph seemed completely unnecessary, as no vcalid thought had ever been completed in the first paragrapgh to give an idea of eaher the artice was going.  Pausing for a moment the author then asked himself, “what was I talking about”  In an an effort to clear up any confusion, at this time the author decided to explain his ramblings.

Have you ever smopked weed so good that it completely picks up your world piece by piece, dissects it, and then reassembles it in some goofy-ass new way?  Well that’s’ what happened this particular evening to a particular author writhing this particular piece or journalistic hgold.  “with no apologies” he slurred “or regard for editimg,. to be honest to my creative artistic piece, I will go down in historyt as a legend.”

Although he admittedly didn’t know what “Avant-Garde”  actually meant, he realized this might be that somehow.  Clearly not Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas status, Houser claimed he was content being a bored blurry eyed college culture connoisseur.  That;s alliteration. Also note Houser also just spelled connoisseur correctly, bitch.

To wrap up his article Houser decided he needed a big bang.  Unfortuately, he didn’t have the mental capacitry or interest in  putting the effort into thinking of one.  With his bned only 4 feet away, thoughts of sleep  and dereams overtook his desire to write.  At this point he also realized how thankful he was for autocorrect (especially in that last sentence).

Brett Jones, April 2010

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