Guy Really Wants Cat After Getting High And Playing With Friends Cat

College sophomore Ross Hayes recently decided he would enjoy owning a cat of his own after hitting it off with his buddy’s cat, Mittens.  The two hit it off Thursday night when Hayes came over to rip his friend’s new RooR bong and watch Family Guy reruns.

“I don’t know man, Mittens is just fucking sweet” said a red-eyed Hayes during his lunch break at Pizza Hut.  “I was sitting there petting him, and he just felt so soft.  I could feel his little lungs breathing underneath his little ribcage.  He even started smiling at me” Hayes sighed, “I guess we shared a moment.”

Mittens and Hayes had met before, but only after smoking Hindu Kush out of the new bong did he report feeling such an intense connection to the feline.  This experience changed the way he looked at animals and inspired him to get a cat of his own.

“Think about it dude- Mittens just chills.  All day every day, just straight up chills” Hayes digressed about the perks of being a house cat, “They have the best life, all they do is eat, sleep, and have people pet them. I wish that was my life.”

Unfortunately, after some research and online cat shopping Hayes was hit with the harsh realities of pet ownership.  Aside from being responsible for another life, the biggest issue was money.  “Yeah, cash is the biggest problem” Hayes conceded, “Vet bills, food, kitty litter- all that shit adds up.  Working at Pizza Hut doesn’t exactly allow for a lot of wiggle room in my budget.”

When asked if he would be willing to make financial sacrifices to support a cat, Hayes was reluctant.  “Well…I guess I can always go over and hang out with Mittens if I want to.  I’m not going to stop smoking headies, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Brett Jones, April 2010


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