Just launched Goat Turd and now I am looking for some people to share the power and glory with me as we revolutionize the candy world. Goat Turd candy is really good candy. It tastes like you want it to and even melts at the right time in your mouth, and of course never in your hand but maybe sometimes in your hand if you like it in your hand like that, maybe to lick off. Anyway Goat Turd candy is just good candy, and we are going to sell a lot of it. I have done field research and market testing and I know that I have a money maker. I even have a business model and all that.
Right now the company is backed by three private investors who I known from before. Good guys. I am looking to get more people like them to help me get this thing off the ground, so we can all finally make some money off of what will ultimately become a multi-million dollar idea. We already have some contracts with some places that the guys know, and we have some discussions in the works with national distributors and retail chains that exist nationally. We have been growing pretty rapidly and to tell you the truth most of the time I feel like my life has become keeping up with the Goat Turd demand. Don’t get me wrong, these are all good problems to have, but I have kids too that I want to pick up from school some days and maybe see a baseball game.
We currently have four full time employees and three contractors but we want to double that by this time next year, especially once we launch our website and sell Goat Turd to people everywhere who never could have got it before. We will need more manpower. To do that we are looking to add two new full time employees by the end of the quarter and also try to have two newly hired contract to hire people who are as dedicated as the rest of the current Goat Turd Team.
Now here comes the most important part of every deal that nobody ever talks about but everyone needs: perks. Lucky for you, I am a good guy to know because I got assets. I have a time share in Mexico that you and no more than one adult and/or three children can enjoy whenever you choose in select weeks depending on availability. I will pay for your cell phone – TrackFone but the email is included too, which is important so you can keep up with Goat Turd affairs in between browsing the apps that are available for the first edition BlackBerry Curve. In New York and Chicago and other participating cities I have an account with Uber, which is an app that allows you to get a cab sent to you from wherever you are – not sure if it is available for the BlackBerry though. I also like to throw a good Christmas party so you better wear your best drinking boots.
Please send an email to goatturd@goatturd.com if you are interested in being considered for this once in a lifetime opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a budding candy empire. In addition to being a really good candy Goat Turd also aims to diversify into other industries while building the Goat Turd name through a reputation of outstanding product and a positive cool image that we will promote with t-shirts and twitter. I have been told by many big players in the game that Goat Turd is coming in at the perfect time and that we have a chance to really do something here. We already have @goatturd gaining a noticeable following with trending Goat Turd campaigns like #goatturd, #candy$ and #GTadvocate and the list can surely only grow with time and the hard work of our top notch marketing team.
Thanks for your time I hope to hear from you and maybe work together in the future. If not look out for Goat Turd in the near future once we start really distributing and coming to retailers around you or you can get it from the internet if you want to do it that way.
THE FILTERED PRESS 