GOAT TURD CANDY CO. SEEKS INVESTORS

Just launched Goat Turd and now I am looking for some people to share the power and glory with me as we revolutionize the candy world. Goat Turd candy is really good candy. It tastes like you want it to and even melts at the right time in your mouth, and of course never inContinue reading “GOAT TURD CANDY CO. SEEKS INVESTORS”

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Definitely Going to Bonnaroo

Dude did you see the Bonnaroo lineup this year? Yo, I I think I’m gonna go. I mean, the Chili Peppers? Trampled by Turtles? Skrillex? Hell yeah I’m gonna go – totally, totally gonna go. It’s only $265 right now, which isnt that much, I mean, if you really think about it. But like, yo,Continue reading “Definitely Going to Bonnaroo”

Open Letter To Bo’ Bama

United Emancipated Seventeen Year Olds For The Free World Greenpoint, Brooklyn, 11222 Bo’ Bama White House DC, 20502 President Obama: We think you’ve done a fine job so far. We are proud to have you be our first president and it’s especially cool because you’re black and other stuff like that. The United Emancipated SeventeenContinue reading “Open Letter To Bo’ Bama”

College Grads Find That Dreams Are Frivolous

Three months after graduating college, Brad Foster wakes up at 12:30 PM, finishes the warm beer on the cardboard box nightstand next to his bed, and falls back asleep until 3. It’s a Wednesday and his next four hour shift at Old Navy isn’t until Saturday afternoon. Until then, he has nowhere to be, noContinue reading “College Grads Find That Dreams Are Frivolous”

UPDATE: NYSE Signs Off on Deutsche Boerse Name Change Proposal

After their recent acquisition of New York Stock Exchange for $9.53 billion, Deutsche Boerse has finally announced the company will now be called, “Deutsche Stock Exchange”. The name change, which has been a topic of speculation and opinion from the beginning, marks the chance to turn over a new leaf for some, and the endContinue reading “UPDATE: NYSE Signs Off on Deutsche Boerse Name Change Proposal”

“Sickle Cell” Ice Show Opens Friday

This weekend, audiences will melt as the enduring characters of touring musical “Sickle Cell” dance across the hard frozen ice rink of SUNY Fredonia’s campus. The nine month tour has already touched hundreds of individuals across the country, and the company anticipates an identically strong positive response here to those they have received thus far,Continue reading ““Sickle Cell” Ice Show Opens Friday”

Elizabeth Taylor Probably Liked It Doggy-Style

I don’t normally do this, but here’s the story on this one.  Recently I’ve been applying for jobs around New York City using craigslist.  This is a bad thing.  The rewards of this practice are possible, but you need to need to be very careful.  It’s easy to get dooped. And I did.  After siftingContinue reading “Elizabeth Taylor Probably Liked It Doggy-Style”

Mark Zuckerberg to Spend Entire Fortune on Facial Reconstruction Surgery

Answering the question of the year, Time Magazine’s Man of the Year announced he would be spending all of his Facebook billions on complete Facial Reconstruction Surgery.  Zuckerberg says the decision comes after the painful realization that despite his fame and billions of dollars he will always be a, “doofy nerd with a less-than-admirable personality”. Continue reading “Mark Zuckerberg to Spend Entire Fortune on Facial Reconstruction Surgery”

Album Review: Pelican Bomb – Attention Deficit Disco

In the world of music, 2010 was the year of the mash-up. Many of the top hits this year sampled other successful songs, such as Kid Cudi’s “Make Her Say”, which samples the acoustic version of Lady GaGa’s “Poker Face”. The public has seemed to ignore the fact that many songs “borrow” from other artistsContinue reading “Album Review: Pelican Bomb – Attention Deficit Disco”

Family Video Introduces “Family Videos” To Adult Section

Confirming a long standing suspicion, it is now official that Family Video is in fact a cult run by creepy weirdoes.  As if the horrendous light beacon in front of the building and strange robot employees weren’t enough to cause alarm, the company recently announced they would begin carrying a series of incest themed adultContinue reading “Family Video Introduces “Family Videos” To Adult Section”